After my previous post on “GAINING MASTERY OVER HURT”, a wonderful friend, sister and colleague of mine, Glory, left her comment on my blog as soon as she finished reading the post. This is what she said: Good, but there’re some hurts that take a longer time to heal, that is, someone losing six children in one day because they were poisoned by a jealous neighbour. I replied by sending her a direct mail. As a result of what I’m dealing here with, I decided to use this opportunity to share my reply to her on this platform, because I feel it’s also going to benefit you. Here was my reply to Glory’s comment:
“Hi Glory; I’d like to first of all thank you for visiting my blog, and reading one of my posts. I really appreciate that. Now, concerning your comment on Gaining Mastery over Hurt, that there are some hurts that take longer time to heal, that would solely depend on the person who’s hurt. Like in my own case, it took me almost a year to get over the hurt I had incurred from my broken relationship. It could have been shorter or even longer, depending on how soon I had made up my mind to act in the light of God’s Word, and move on with my life. The reason why people stay longer in hurt is because of INDECISION, that’s a very big problem that needs to be dealt with quickly. The power of hurt is in our indecision to move on with our lives, and as long as that decision hasn’t been made, advancement would be impossible. What this means is that one of the greatest strongholds to deliberately confront in our moments of hurt is THE FORCE OF INDECISION. The severity of the hurt we’re in will only keep us in it as long as we haven’t decided on what to do. But as soon as we decide what to do, our exit is guaranteed. Making up our mind is defined by our willingness to yield to the counsel of God’s Word. So it’s this factor of indecision that makes some people stay longer in hurt than others. I’m sure this information will help you. My next post will deal with this issue. I’ll notify you as soon as it’s published on my blog. You’re deeply loved, highly favoured, and greatly blessed.”
The real issue that should concern us isn’t that we’re hurt, but how ready we’re to follow God’s Word and move on with our lives. Just like Satan, hurt has no power, but the hold it exerts on its victims stems from their unwillingness to make up their mind to move on with their lives. That was the case of Joshua and the children of Israel, who were much hurt by Moses’ demise that they mourned for 30 days [Deuteronomy 34:8], and they weren’t willing to go anywhere, until God showed up on the scene, and gave Joshua the following instruction: “Now after the death of Moses the servant of the LORD it came to pass, that the LORD spake unto Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ minister, saying, Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, thou, and all this people, unto the land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel” [Joshua 1:1-2, KJV].
The story of the Prodigal son also shows that we can be stuck in hurt for as long as we haven’t made up our minds to move on with our lives. He was in an awful state of hurt until we’re told that “And when HE CAME TO HIMSELF, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father…” [Luke 15:17-18, KJV]
You see, the situation [hurt] had always been there, so it was his duty to make up his mind to get out of it instead of waiting fruitlessly for it to let him go, considering that the situation didn’t look for him, but he made up his mind to do something, and that led him to it. Coming to himself meant he made up his mind; and that was his way out of hurt forever.
This aspect of being free from hurt was partly dealt with in the latter part of my previous post on “GAINING MASTERY OVER HURT”. As a matter of fact, on this post, I’ll still be dealing with that in a broader way.
Hurt is an enemy. Remember, it’s a feeling on the inside of having been offended by someone or something. It’s a weapon which the devil has used and is still using to kill, destroy and paralyze destines. All “hurt” does is to inflict wounds. It’s like a spear; don’t expect it to go away, instead, it’s you that need to get out of it in order to move on with your life, because as long as you’re in it you can’t move on with your life. When a spear pierces you, it’s your responsibility to remove it from your body, throw it and walk away. When it’s in your body, in spite of how hard and loud you ask it to go away, it won’t.
Another important thing worth knowing about hurt is that it’s fear-based. Being hurt the first time creates within you the fear of being hurt a second time. When your emotions are attacked negatively, you should avoid using fear as a means to resolve that. It’s possible to be free from hurt. It’s possible to overcome hurt, and live as though one has never been hurt, in spite of the severity of the incident that brought the hurt. That was my case; I actually had two consecutive engagements that were aborted prematurely. In both cases the traditional marriage and church wedding dates were already fixed. To be honest with you, I was badly hurt, yet I had some choices to still make, because I needed to get out of hurt; I didn’t belong there.
You have the choice to choose to be easily offended or to be free from offenses. All you need to do is to allow God to take His real place in your life and situation. Walk in love and make up your mind to live in love. Love is a positive emotion while selfishness is a negative emotion. I want you to understand that your love will only be challenged by your selfishness. You need therefore to release everybody that has hurt you [it’s a must]. This is because when your heart is hurt, you’ll be blinded from seeing the relationships that God has blessed you with. From a natural stand point, you’ll often hear people say things like: “I have been hurt by so and so; therefore I can trust no one any longer”. That’s wrong, and it can never be the solution. For a life style of total freedom from hurt, the following points are worth considering.
TAKE UP THE SHIELD OF FAITH
“Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked” [Ephesians 6:16]. The shield of faith is the Word of God. Whatever the gravity of the hurt, you need to take up the Word of God. Read it often and often, backed up with prayer; and then spend time to meditate on it. God’s Word is the source of your faith [Romans 10:17]. Remember, that any profession of faith outside the Word of God is falsehood. Let your shield be based on what God says about you in spite of the severity of the hurt. If you attention to what people say, which in most cases, may be contrary to what God has said about you, that would mean putting down your shield. This in effect will expose your life to demonic attacks. Avoid then attaching more value on other people’s opinion about you. People will always have a lot of things to say. Base your faith completely on what and who God says you’re. That’s very important. Let your interest, faith, focus, strength and mind be Word-based. Read the Word of God every day as much as you can. Keep speaking it to yourself, act it and before you know, you will experience a tremendous change. What people say about you isn’t enough to protect you.
FORGIVE AS AN ACT OF FAITH
As earlier stated, you have to forgive all who have ever hurt you. Don’t wait to be inspired as some believers claim, before you forgive. Forgiveness is a decision, you don’t forgive because you feel as to forgive, rather you forgive because of a decision you have made. True forgiveness is a decision and not a feeling nor an inspiration. There is a general tendency of saying “if they can just apologize, ask for excuse or change, then I will forgive”. Such an attitude makes forgiveness conditional; and that’s not what the Bible teaches about forgiveness in the light of the New Creation in Christ. Beloved, if you can only forgiven “when they change,” it means you didn’t forgive, rather, you for-sold. God expects us to forgive and not to for-sell.
His Word admonishes us thus: “…forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” [Colossians 3:13].
CALLED TO FORGIVE NOT FORSELL
We are called to forgive not to for-sell. There’s a difference between forgiving and for-selling. The word for-give supposes to give. It means you don’t need to pay or offer anything for me to give you my forgiveness. To sell on the other hand means you need or demand something from the person who offended you, may be a change, an excuse, or an apology, first, before you forgive. It’s unbiblical; God didn’t for-sell us His forgiveness. He gave it to us freely. “For God so loved the word, that he gave (not sold) us his only begotten son…” [John 3:16].
We didn’t change or apologize to God before He granted us His forgiveness. While on the cross, even before His murderers accepted their wrong, Christ had declared a universal forgiveness; it was unconditional: “Father forgive them…” Paul affirmed this in Romans 5:8 “But God commanded his love towards us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”.
While being stoned, even at the point of death, Stephen could still say: “… Lord lay not this sin to their charge…” [Acts 7:60]. He didn’t sell, he gave. This is exactly what God expects of you as you make up your mind to be free from hurt, irrespective of its gravity.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THESE
- You don’t need anybody to treat you in a certain way in order to feel better.
- You need to get to a point where you’ll say it doesn’t matter what they say about me.
- Don’t ever allow your feelings to be based on how people treat you.
- If you let what people say to determine your feeling it means you’re not yet free.
- If you forgive unconditionally, it will even help you more than the person you forgave.
STOP RE-LIVING WHAT YOU HAVE FORGIVEN
A lot of people profess they have forgiven, yet they’re still living in what they claim to have forgiven. Your inability to stop re-living what you have forgiven will cause you more hurt. Considering this pitfalls of reliving what you have forgiven, you need to make up your mind to forget when you forgive.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES WHY YOU’RE SO EASILY HURT
Some people may say: “Well, I’m a woman, that’s why I am so easily hurt,” “Well, I’m so sensitive, that’s why I’m so easily hurt”. Others will say: “That’s how I am”. Some will say: “I’m quick tempered”.
My dear friend, you need to get rid of these excuses. Waive them away. One of the reasons why some people are more sensitive to hurt is because they’re more concerned about their past instead of their future. Once they’re offended, though the act coincided with what happened to them, they say “You have touched my past”. Avoid talking about your past and what people are saying about you. People who are easily hurt are those who have voluntarily refused to let go their past. They have allowed their past to turn their lives into a pillar of salt. They’re just stagnant. There’re some devilish objectives that Satan wants to achieve by getting you stay back on the past.
There’s only one way of victory. It’s to let your past go and move forward. “And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days. So the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended”. (Deuteronomy 34:8)
…”And it came to pass, that the LORD spake unto Joshua the son of Nun, Moses minister, saying; Moses my servant is dead, now therefore ARISE, go over this Jordan, thou and all this people, unto the Land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel” (Joshua 1:1-2)
The condition for advancement for the children of Israel was to forget about the past and focus on what was ahead. They had had mourned Moses’ death for thirty days (1 month); and they weren’t ready to go any further, if it weren’t for divine intervention. This depicts the situation of many people today, though, what happened has passed; they’re still carrying the mourning of the past to live in the present.
Beloved, there’re a lot of things that are past which need to be forgotten. You won’t be any different from your past until you forget it. Holding onto your past will mean making your past the prophet of your future. What a tragedy?
STOP WEARING YOUR EMOTIONS ON YOUR SLEEVES
Avoid wearing your emotions. By this I mean stop carrying your hurt upon yourself as a garment. If you don’t, the devil will continue to hurt you on the same spot every day. The devil is so crafty and wicked. He doesn’t look for a new spot every time he wants to strike. He’s not very complicated in his weapon trick. He’ll always use what hurt you in the pass to try to hurt you in the present and will continue to use the same weapon to hurt you until you stop wearing that emotion. Stopping to wear it upon yourself proves that it has no more influence over your life.
Consider the case of a little child. When he touches you on your body, anywhere and discovers that you responded negatively (even if you pretend); he’ll laugh and will touch you on the same spot. That’s just what the devil does. He’s infantile in his craftiness. When he understands that you’re no more hurt by a particular weapon, then he’ll be looking for another spot to start striking. Don’t be ignorant of his evil devices. It’s a constant battle. That’s why Peter admonishes all believers to “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil as a roaring lion walketh about seeking whom he may devour: [1 Peter 5:8]. As he comes to hurt you, use the weapon of laughter – rejoice always. I say rejoice when he hits you with his so-called best weapon, begin to laugh, sing hymns or go to church and start to testify. Things don’t need to be funny before you laugh. Don’t let the devil play over your mind; you should rather play with his. When he strikes, instead of the hurt to rise and be magnified, let joy, laughter, singing, testimonies, rise to subdue the hurt. That’s why we’re admonished to: “Rejoice ever more” [1 Thessalonians 5:16] “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations” [James 1:2].
STOP TRYING TO GET EVEN WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT YOU
What I mean here is that you should avoid vengeance. Stop trying to fight back.“Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath. For it is written vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord”. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12: 17-21).
The best and most successful way to handle evil is by doing good. Unfortunately, many believers have missed it when it comes to this aspect. Often, the common tendency is to retaliate by paying back evil for evil. This has never solved any problem. Rather it has destroyed many lives. It takes training to be able to overcome evil by doing good. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s possible for those who believe and are willing. God doesn’t expect us to fight back. “See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good both among yourselves, and to all men” [1 Thessalonians 5:15]. “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are there unto called, that ye should inherit a blessing” [1 Peter 3:9]. Did you hear that?
We have been called to walk in love in order to overcome evil. We don’t overcome evil only through prayer. The principal, most important and powerful weapon to overcome evil is LOVE. Paul tells us that: “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a thinking cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understanding all mysteries and all knowledge and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not charity (love), I am nothing and though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not charity (love) it profiteth me nothing” [1Corinthians 13:1-3].
God’s utmost desire is to see you completely free from every form of hurt, irrespective of their source, those responsible and the duration. You can be free today if you choose to make up your mind to act on God’s Word. You can exercise dominion over hurt. You can decide not to be offended by whoever, whatever and whenever. The choice is yours.
My soul was so blessed on November 16th 2016 when a dear friend of mind sent me a message about Heratio Spafford, the writer of the popular song “It Is Well with My Soul”. The story goes that “As a successful Christian Lawyer, his only son died at age 4 in 1871. In 1872, the great Chicago fire wiped out his vast estate made from a successful legal career. In 1873, he sent his wife and four daughters over to Europe on a summer trip on the ill fated SS Ville du Havre. Since he had a lot of work to do, he planned to follow them later. The ship sank and he lost his four daughters, with his wife being the only survivor. She sent him a famous telegram which simply read: ‘SAVED ALONE…’ On his return home, his law firm was burned down and the insurance company refused to pay him. They said ‘It’s an act of God’. He had no money to pay for his house and no work because he also lost his house. While sitting and thinking what was happening to him, being a spiritual person, he wrote a song – ‘Whatever, My Lord, You have taught me to say – It is well with my soul’.
My wonderful friend, how you linger in that hurt depends on you and you alone.
Anang’s Principles of Total Freedom from Hurt
- Avoid protecting the wrong thing.
- God’s your only source.
- Let go all those who have ever hurt you in any way by forgiving them.
- Dealing with what hurts you paves way for a platform of progress to be established for you.
- Your ability to overcome your hurt is a clear indication that you have dominion over your emotions.
- Being led by your negative emotions will cause you to stay longer in a place than you were meant to.
- Your negative emotions will shut the doors for God’s leading in your life.
- Being free from hurt comes by training.
- Always allow your thinking to be in line with the Word of God.
- Know your number one enemy – “your negative emotions”.
Every attempt you’ll ever put in place to enjoy total freedom from hurt will be wasted without Jesus. The power that endows you with the supernatural ability for total freedom from hurt stems from your relationship with Jesus. In John 15:5, Jesus said “…without ME you can do nothing” and in John 1:12, we’re told that “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:” This means without Jesus, you’ll be far from your desired goal of enjoying total freedom from hurt. What you need right now in case you’re not in a relationship with Jesus is to enter into one with Him. You can do that by simply praying the following prayer of faith:
“Dear God, according to Romans 4:25, I believe in my heart that Jesus died for my sins, and rose again to make me right with you, in order to fill me with your goodness. I also confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord. Today, I accept Jesus into my heart as my Personal Lord and Saviour.
In accordance with Romans 10:10, which say if I believe with my heart and confess with my mouth, I will be saved, I know that from now henceforth: I am born again; I am a new creation in Christ, old things are passed away, behold, all things have become new. I have the very life of God in me; I am God’s righteousness in Christ. I am lifted with Christ and together we are seated in heaven at the right hand of the Father, far, far above principalities and powers. Just as Christ is, so am I in this world, in Jesus’ Name”. Amen.
Congratulations! You’re now born again. Welcome to God’s supernatural family built on the foundation that’s Christ. I’m certain that you have been blessed by this post. Please, don’t hesitate to leave your comment. You can also send me a direct mail through firstname.lastname@example.org in order to share some spiritual issues that are bothering you, bearing in mind that your spiritual welfare is my utmost concern. I love you and I’m praying for you. You’re deeply love, highly favoured and greatly blessed.
Jesus is Lord!